I know I have to move on.

I will live my life to the fullest!! =>

**Hope you will too. 0826am. happy these days...

I found our necklace.

I smiled.
yet I cried within.

Pointless I know.

I left both.
I know it is a wise decision.

I really want you to be strong..

I care...

***I'm torn apart. 0419am.

Last post..till then.

All I know is I have no more comments or wish to say anything with regards to him, to me, to us.

All I know is my heart aches every single minute and the days ahead are certainly going to be very difficult for u and I.

And all I know is I truly feel so much for you then you ever knew.

**Shall stop posting for now. Till...something happens again. 0355am. while you sleeping beside. ironic. when will this ever have an answer?

What goes around comes around..

A colleague asked me if I believe in karma..

The first thing that came to my mind was not what I will suffer in future because of all that I have done,
but you being you, not committing any slightest mistake and having the biggest heart I've ever known, will get such sh*t from me all these years?

So what's karma all about when someone gets punished for not doing anything?

We are still very close, you know how I feel and I know how you feel...

yet we are so distant...
Can I really mend back the situation? I don't know anymore...Nothing can be erased..

We are happy yet feeling so bitter...

Yes I thought of him when I was with you, but for sure the feeling has become 'think' and not 'miss'...I don't know how to break this news to him either...but..he has nothing to lose anyway...

I felt really torn...
I guess I have to be left alone to bring my senses back myself...
and I know I have to lose you before I wake up my f**king idea...but my heart doesn't allow you to step away at all....can u?

I'm really selfish...
but what will happen if you really leave me behind?
I don't know..
I'm feeling so vulnerable...

No one can or had replaced you..
even if one fine day we are really apart,
found someone and moved on...you won't be replaced..

As for him, I thought I saw another you who is so loving towards me...simply don't mind me for being who I am and yes I compare and I'm so sure that's the reason why many stray..

I was weak, I fell for his one good point,
but I was even weaker to have given up all ur good points...
I really feel very very bitter..

Maybe you should leave if not I will never learn...
whatever outcome it might be,
what the future shall hold, no one knows..

My tears has never stopped flowing ever since the truth was told..

***0948am...sunday..so lonely...pls recover...so that you will have the strength to carry on..I miss you..only..

Every passing day..

Is like a torture to me..

Let alone how you feel...

I don't know what I am doing at all..

Someone pls bring me back my senses... =(

one of my favourite picture..

**back in Apr10, i was in pek too, same flt same time, discover a dreadful truth, things got better..and then..got worse..0430am...

I don't know how to go through this myself..

Have you really left?
I caused all these..
I shouldn't be blaming anyone..
Right from the start..
I was wrong, still wrong..

I'm truly sorry..
and I want you to know..
I wish I can turn back time..
I wish we will be like before..
and I want us to be happy..

But whatever I am doing now does not justify at all..
I really don't know how to go through this myself...

***Holding on to them dearly..our memories will never be replaced..0500am..insomnia..

I still feel the same..

I promised myself I would keep the door to my heart closed.
I promised myself I would not fall in love again only to have it tear me apart.
I broke those promises, for they meant nothing the moment my empty eyes were filled with the vision of you.
All logic went out the window & my heart took control.
The promises had been broken.
You had that lost puppy dog look, the one that says, I'm lost, scared & confused...please take care of me.
Well I wanted to be that person. I still do.
You were vulnerable, yet strong, cute yet sexy, goofy yet intelligent.
To look into your beautiful eyes, or see you smile, or hear you laugh, made my heart melt & filled me with happiness.
Sometimes when we held one another after making love, I didn't want to let go.
I still don't want to let go.
Now you are gone & I sit alone & think about you & the things I love about you & the things that make me smile.
Then I smile for a brief moment, then realize, you are gone.... my baby is gone. Then I shed a tear. Once again, broken promises, broken heart.

***I really dont wish to be gone, but I'm wrong..whatever I say does not matter anymore...

wonders..ponders..

It is really not easy...

**0424am..I would want an answer...

27 May 2008..lost..

I am wrong..

I feel terrible..

I need alot of time..lots of it..

Who will understand..

***2340 in lonely zrh...I am weak already..

I don't wish to lose any more loved ones..

Both Cupid and Mootie left us this month..

Life seems so unpredictable..

***Just got back from bkkns..I miss you badly..

I have lost it since that very day.

Going bangkok nightstop later thereafter zurich. Haven't had much rest though. =/

But, I'm happy. I really am.
I have found what I have always been looking.. .

050608 I found.. but what remains in my heart stays closer to me than anyone else could..I don't know how to turn back time..

***Time 0452am. Reporting in afternoon...will crash for now. see you..

I last managed my hair one yr ago?

My hair looked like trash. Still is, but a lil better. hah.

**Okay, I better rest, if not I'm gonna looked real rubbish later.

Sisters' Gathering.

We met for awhile only but good enough. Thereafter fiona came and join us too. She finally updated us her happenings.. =p Had supper at river valley then went back to powerhouse again. Its so lifeless alrdy..
hopped to dragonfly with junxiang and pui, crowd and music got better, saw gordon foo..glad that he is looking much better nw..but still drinking!!!!
ended up at bellini.nice.caught up a little with one another.

**Time now is 1459..gonna rest awhile and prepare for my ams flight le...

Elmer's 26th Bday.

Had dinner at Brazil sixth ave. Pretty last min decision, but we know Brazil is never a wrong choice. Mummy and gwyneth came along as well. Everything went well. The staff even sang a birthday song for Elmer in their language.!

Thereafter baby and I drove to Changi SAF Terminal, parked and watched God of Gambler II. so weird. but it was a nice place. We chatted, understood and yea, moved on.

I guess things will improve as time passes by..

**Its morning 0729. Gonna crash..will try to update as much as I can in future..

It's been 3 1/2 years..

Our changes..

but our love still grows strongly..

**Time check 0527 sin... gonna try to sleep.. I love you baby...

P.S Do download Colbie Caillat "Realise" I fell in love with it..

Simplicity.?

Was that not my life objective?

I do not know anymore, I'm feeling terrible.

I can't seem to balance the areas of my life well.
But who could?

I really feel terrible deep within, I can't even understand myself anymore..

I don't know what I want in life anymore, I don't know who I am working hard for, I don't know who I love..my future seems so blurry...I had thoughts about matters which I never thought I will think of, I had so much uncertainties..

But I thank God my loved ones are still by my side no matter what I have done or went through..

Whoever out there..pls bring back my senses =/

***Time now 0513 sin.. insomnia...

322!!

I'm in London again! hurhur..I love this place, especially this particular flight pattern! Perfect connection, conveniently on the walking st, tube stn is jus right outside!
Unfortunately........... it gonna be taken over by A380.. =(
Yet trained ... as I belong to the A345 ward.
Good in a way as I get tensed up when I see so many passengers onboard...
The configuration is 12/60/399!
It's amazing can..freaking huge. =/

I've finally gotten myself a Oyster card which is similar to our EZ-Link in sin. Way cheaper than getting a day pass whenever I come here....fyi, I'm coming next month again.. ;b 5-9nov :) but its the most tiring 318...sigh sigh.

Earlier on I met up with Gillian, had a good time with her back in my hotel room, savouring our duck rice..and catching up or should I say gossip about everyone we know in our sec sch days..lol. I was really happy to see her...oh yeah, she mentioned a little bt stories in UK...>_<

***Time now is 0645 sin, 2340 lhr =p..smuaas! I miss u loads darling!

**Holland**

Hey..jus touch down from amsterdam(netherlands), its my first, with a gd friend of mine ;)

It was freaking cold....as I did not bring enough clothings, it was indeed a gd excuse to top my my winter clothings....hmm, I spent much. ahem =(

Just opposite my Hotel =p

Anyway the time there was amazing, shopping was good, lots of museums in the city, there are free gaying activities, live sex shows, "mannequins" beautifully displayed, spacecakes?..etc. *grin* =p and I'm constantly well-fed by Mar.

Large fries! lots of it everywhere..

Once, we had a duck rice,yah, duck rice indeed, nothing compared to those I always have in London, but cooked with sweet and sour sauce? Can u imagine, it taste nice lah, but still, it just tasted wrong. Tasted like GU RU YOK? =P

We had a walk at the flower market too, the flowers were lovely, really.so unlike the roses we have in Singapore.. =p
No wonder some flower shops often claimed that their flowers are from Holland, cos they are the best!

Then I visited the xiao ren guo though, not what I had expected but still, Its a gd experience lah :)

The crow was funny, seems as if it was the king there, but once I step a little closer, it was running away like crazy, yeah running, not fly. weird.
The one above is a pond, weather was really cold I guess, hmm, I dono whats forming though. =p

At night, I went to Dam Square, its filled with people everywhere every day, the rides looks common but seems more fun, never play though cos I was rushing for the red light district. hehe.

Time spent at the red light district was the best! Strictly no photography...and I do not know how to describe..but yeah, erm, haha, eye opener, really.

I watched the live show with Mar, and had a peep show too where there is this hot girl and her "stunts". haha. cool. Mar was even more amazed by all of it lah. ;p Thereafter we had a spacecake just for fun, but I guess we were too tired to even get high, I slept right after I ate the muffin. hah. no, I didnt have any weird dreams either. hm.6 euro k!! waste money..

came with instructions..hehe

By the way, I can't help it but to worry for my niece, she's been sick for a few days? 5 days at least since the day before I departed, diarrhea, vomit and all...hmmm =(
At least I'm back home now but she is soundly asleep, shall play with her later...

oh yah! I received a piece of gd news~! will update when its appropriate to announce! =)

I'm missing everyone now...hmm. especially elmer..He's been working for days again..argh.
Shall meet him later le..
which means I'm gonna have a gd rest now...adios ppl :D

***This was one of the best flights I ever had. Great Leaders to learn from...Signing off...time now is 1011 sin.

A little more updates...

It wasn't easy to get connection from wherever I travel..which was why I'm gonna do more of Lhr 322. hurhur, even from my room!

Anyway after I touched down from the past LHr flight @ 0730 ; a hectic 13 hrs(not including preparation and reporting time), I rushed home, unpacked, packed, and went back to airport again to meet my dear sisters for our first Bkk trip...! Day 1 was terrible, I know I have to rest if not I will fall sick again...yet, we shopped till 1am...haha. Hmm...I was awake for more than 30Hrs!! argh.....nonetheless the whole trip was superb, I can't wait to travel with them again!

**Candice looked great, I'm so proud of her perseverance in keeping herself healthier and slimmer than before. *thumBs up!* =)

Next, Narita WAshington was bad, found a xiaoqiang in my room, argh !#$%^&*&^%$#!! What made it worse was I could not bring the msg across to the hotel staff till I have to draw it, you should have seen her reaction at that point in time, haha =p I didn't have the time to go out, had some important things to do...update next time..Narita is supposed to be a yummy yummy place! =D

I went perth thereafter, Jeremy and Beckie arranged a surprise for me.. =)

Zhihao, Mervyn and Guowen! All Big Men now..haha
Hmm, I haven't gotten a pic of the view from zhihao's apartment....It was damn nice arh..*wasted*
oh yah, I saw a pelican making its way through the river, ok, sounds bimbo here, for a moment I thought it was a rubber duckie. ;b from far lah.............

got on to Bne next, our hotel is right located on the Queen St....ahhh...so convenient...bought some tees for my baby. =)

Was at zurich the past few days, brought swimwear, yoga suit, blahblah, had everything planned with jessica, but we slept through. *bleah* we bunked in...had a great catch up and yummy stories from her. We had cheese and crackers every night, it was a dairy trip.......put on a little though, but heck lah, =p I had a great time with her =)

Though Zurich has free connection in crew lounge, but I simply don't understand deutsch arh! My whole setup was in German...I do not know how to blog from there..

heh, k lah, nuff updates.

My baby is here, haven't seen him for days..
He bought me dinner!!

ciaozz...

**I want to travel with my darling.!!! Time now is 1942 sin time..adios.~!

It's been a year.

Im back, not much changes; officially switched a new job on Aug 31st 2006, jiejie had a newborn on Dec 10 2006 http://www.gwynethang.blogspot.com/, simply our baobei in the family now.. :) but my dear doggy has to be locked up just in case he is at it again.. =(

Elmer and my relationship had definitely been much better too, he has also embarked on a new career in Apr 2007, doing graphics and design on mainly the watch markets, but basically bao shua bao hai also. Still hoping he will be able to join me soon =/..

oh yah.. Ive got my hair permed, decided to keep it this way till im bored ..hah and lastly Ive a new lappie from baby! "thank u sweet ;)" and hopefully there will be a new posting whenever im overseas =p.

more to update in future..and photos too..

***In LHR now...watching my serial shows still...time now is 0005 17sep..I will be reaching sin on 18sep. =)

Chanabelle..simply cant resist!

aight..photos are up! if only the rest of you are here...we can take group photo with belle already.. =p

anyway downfall of elmer's babies, i feel soo like a housewife these days...they have been keeping me busy!!! Hope to meet up with u gurls soon..miss u so much =)

ooh yeah. i visited ignatius today...our 2nd godchild....!! soo cute...jus like the sista. whee~...! =]

okay..gonna crash..

**Good night..^^yawnzz..

As promised. :D

me and Birthday Gurl..
pretty ladies..and a black beauty. ;p
Our dear "momma! baby popping this sat 19 auG! =)
she seemed sooo happyy. *wink* :b
aww..........so sweet...suchh a perfect match made in Heaven.! Choo and JH..u wan me to develop a bigger photo? =p
our pretty ladies again.!

We had much muchh fun that night..hope u enjoyed too Choo!

wheee..! By France.. the sky seemed to be filled with golds thaat night..nice.! Thou was a little more crowded but view was great still :).. I wan to watch fireworks again!

**Coming up next are belle's photos...for those who miss her..too bad.! SHe sooo damn adorable!! Haha..Going back to my bed first....=p *Zzzzzzzzz...Update again.!

no work makes me a bimbo.

hmm..no photos up yet! cos im at my own home now..
camera is with elmer and all uploaded photos are in his house pc ;p

jus a short brief,
Elmer and i met up with my sister and bro-in-law on the france fireworks night, we brought them to Neptune carpark to have a better view..but who knows its soo damnn crowded already..guess everyone knew the secret spot =(
But! think my sis did enjoy much..cos we had chips and cakes provided by elmer's mummy. haha. thereafter we had porridge for supper at chinatown..
I love my sis and her babY! =)
as for yesterday night, we caught "umizaru2" at cinelesisure..not bad lah. Its on Japan coast guard...
You know..if only Singapore has enough manpower and have such cases handled by us, we would have helis too.
Oh yah..I would probably have stayed on as well for the 'actions'. =p

anyway I gonna meet Xueni to see Candice and Belle now...
*envy me bah girls*..=p
and i better bathe now...! if not i will be soo late as usual!!!!!! Toodle-ooos!

***Photos of Choo's birthday, france fireworks be up soon! :D

Singapore Fireworks Festival..!

Ive uploaded these photos of different fireworks displayed by Italy on the 5th, Singapore on the 8th and New Caledonia on the 11th! i love the golden dust by caledonia! u can simply hear everyone "wowing" away when that was up..anyway I know the pictures doesnt look splendid........but my purpose is to let you know i was there with my baby on most nights.....capturing the absolutely beautiful moments ever! Aww ..the feeling is so damn great...... :p
coming up next is by France..which is tonight.!

**Preparing now. Gonna meet my darling. update again..adioS! ;)

Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient..

Seems mushy. but this my beloved.
Its my maiden post... so must put the photo of my life priority mah.... ;p
lets see...we have been together for 1 yr and 9 mths...? and today is our anniversary date..=)
Nothing seems more important to me now than living life to the fullest with the loved ones by my side..
you never know when the world is gonna end or who will be leaving you with no notice.. so..cherish every moment..whoever u are with k.!
We met up with my sisters yesterday.....celebrated my dear Geok Choo bday. I made a big mess out of it, but thank God choo said it turned out to be a pleasant surprise for her. haha.
and Xueni and Yihui are back!! Our future gatherings gonna be more merrier le! =]

**Anyway today is my boyfriend's dad birthday..so.. "Happy Birthday Uncle." :D